Mexican Migrant Fathers in Dallas
International migration causes the division of families around the world. Many parents migrate to ensure a better future for their children, who often remain in the country of origin. This is the case for a large number of Mexican migrants in the United States. Prolonged separation of family members has consequences both for the well-being and development of children and for the mental and physical health of migrant fathers and mothers. As a visiting scholar at the Tower Center, my research focused precisely on these issues. What (disruptive) consequences does migration have on families? What are the mental health implications of separation between parents and children?
So far, it is mainly transnational mothers, mothers who have their children in their home country, who have been studied. Little is known about migrant fathers. When migrant fathers have been considered, they have often been seen as absent or present only as economic providers and patriarchal authority. Is it really the case that men migrate and disregard their families at home? Through my work, my aim is to challenge this view and explore the emotional bond between migrant fathers and their children, as well as the impact of separation on men’s mental health.
The migration flow from Mexico to the United States is the perfect case study to shed light on migrant fathers, because to this day Mexican migrants are mostly men. The Tower Center’s contacts and support were crucial in reaching out to the Mexican Consulate in Dallas, the ideal place to interview migrants living in the Dallas-Fort Worth area of North Texas. At the consulate, I was able to talk to people as they were waiting for their documents, a wait that often lasted for hours. Even just observing the environment and dynamics of the consulate and talking to the staff and the people working for financial counseling for migrant health organizations was a valuable ethnographic experience that allowed me to grasp aspects of Mexican migration to the United States of which I was not aware.
Conducting the interviews was not always easy. Many men refused to participate in the research; migrants tend to be wary of anyone who asks too many questions, as many of them are in the United States undocumented. They are even more skeptical if the interviewer is a young woman who is clearly a foreigner. In addition, the topic of family separation is highly personal and emotional; more than one of the interviewees burst into tears during our conversation. In the end, I conducted 15 interviews. Many of the fathers I talked to had not seen their families in Mexico for more than a decade; they migrated when their children were young, often infants, and are now adults. I interviewed a man who has not seen his two daughters for 16 years. In many cases, in all their years abroad, migrants never returned home to visit their families. Many men initially planned to stay in the United States for a couple of years, save some money, and then return to Mexico, but they end up staying much longer than planned. Throughout the separation period, it is not uncommon for relationships and marriages to end or for children to become progressively estranged from their parents.
I have found that migrant fathers make a great effort to be present at a distance. In addition to regularly sending remittances, they talk with their children and partners daily via video calls or messages. But phone conversations cannot replace daily in-person interactions. Some fathers said that sometimes all they would like to do is hug their children. They told me they want to be an example and transmit values to them: they want to give, in other words, guidance and emotional (not just financial) support in the difficult process of growing up. Despite the attempts to stay in touch, migration is experienced as a loss, as a painful absence. Migrants described the sorrow of attending their children’s birthday parties via video calls, or perhaps just receiving a few photos of the event. There is a great feeling of loneliness and isolation, of grief at missing their children’s key moments. A few people have told me that it is like they are dead to their children; they are completely absent from their kids’ daily lives, who recognize them as an abstract presence they barely remember. Many fathers also feel a strong sense of guilt for being away, which remittances cannot erase. For example, one father tearfully told me that leaving his daughters in Mexico will be a burden he will carry forever. These emotionally charged narratives are not what researchers would generally expect when talking about migrant men.
These interviews tell a story of migrant fathers that are very different from the cold and distant images with which they are often described. This research made me reflect on how it is really time to rethink the role of men within the migrant family (and beyond) and seriously reconsider the idea of masculinity. The other issue that I believe needs further discussion is migration as an event that challenges family resilience, including such a close bond as that between parents and children, and has long-term consequences for mental health. My goal now is to investigate the effects of long-distance parenting using quantitative methods, thus integrating interview findings with a large-scale data set. I hope that the final results of this study can underscore the importance of policies and practices that enable migrant family members to live together, for the well-being of both migrants and their children.