How to recover from your own Oscars-worthy blunders

Dispute Resolution Professor John Potter offers tips on how to give an effective apology. 

Dallas Morning News by Leslie Barker Garcia

Few of us (and that’s being generous) will ever present an Academy Award for best picture. Even fewer will muddle the name on the top-secret card, as Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway did in Sunday night’s Oscars ceremony.

But we’ve all had plenty of mortifying moments we wish we could take back, or that make us wish we could slink out the door under the red (or shag; we don’t care) carpet. They’re part of life; they’re part of being human. We make mistakes that we can neither erase nor go back in time to do differently.

What we can do is apologize. But we need to do that correctly so we don’t find ourselves apologizing for the apology.

As an associate professor in dispute resolution and conflict management at Southern Methodist University, John Potter talks about apology a lot. So who better to turn to for insight on the apology factor in Sunday night’s show?

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Now Accepting Deposits for Summer Study Abroad 2017 in Athens, Greece

The SMU Center for Dispute Resolution and Conflict Management is pleased to announce the study abroad course option for Summer Term 2017 will be located in Athens, Greece. The new course, led by Dr. Betty Gilmore, will focus on the use of dialogue as a tool for peacebuilding in divided communities.

The course, Building Peace Through Understanding: Using Dialogue to Bridge Cultural Divides, will run from June 17 until June 24. Students participating in the course will have the incredible opportunity to work with an NGO conducting dialogue processes with local community groups on polarizing issues. In addition, student participating in this course will have the option to use the course to fulfill the internship or independent study requirement.

Scholarships available for current Dispute Resolution master’s and certificate students. Cost and additional information can be found on the Dispute Resolution Study Abroad webpage.

COURSE DESCRIPTION
Globally, we are faced with difficult public issues stemming from intolerance, shifting political climates, inequity of resources, and civil unrest and immigration. This, among many other complex issues has created intense conflict and polarization in communities, threatening to tear the fabric of society apart and often resulting in violence. This course will explore a valuable and effective tool for promoting equilibrium; it is through the use of dialogue processes. This is a powerful form of peacebuilding that brings divided communities together and often results in appreciation of differences and lasting peace. Greece has been in the throes of the crisis for some time, and they have reached out to various non-governmental organizations (NGOs) to assist in dealing with the critical problems dividing their communities. Students in this class will examine methods for building peace through understanding and communication as well as participate in an incredible opportunity to work with an NGO conducting dialogue processes with local community groups on polarizing issues. Since Greece is not the only nation facing conflict, the skills learned from this course will be transferable to all community conflict.

 

SMU Dispute Resolution Students and Faculty Ask, “What Are You Bringing to the Thanksgiving Table?”

You have selected your dishes and decorated your home, but have you prepared yourself for the conflicts that come with large family gatherings. 

SMU Dispute Resolution graduate students, led by Prof. Angela Mitakidis, share their tips for keeping family conflicts to a minimum at the Thanksgiving table and throughout the holiday season.

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Take off Your Coat at the Door: Look past how your guests may present themselves – some may be wearing a “coat” of financial stress, work issues, relationship problems and so forth. Relieve them of their coat of burdens right up front by greeting them with an attitude of gratitude for their presence in your home, joy in your eyes to see them and a lift in your voice as you welcome them in. No one can resist a warm welcome and it will set the tone for the spirit of Thanksgiving right at the door.

Decorate Your Home with a Grateful Heart: A grateful spirit must start with you. You cannot control the behavior of others, nor can you compel another person to feel or demonstrate gratitude. You can only control your own behavior. So make a choice before your guests arrive to focus only on what you are grateful for and watch it spread throughout your home.

A Table Runner of Peace: As guests begin to sense the attitude of gratitude in your home, it will become a theme that will run through your conversations, jokes, comments and behaviors . If conflict arises, you will already have set the “table runner of peace” and that will give you the courage to verbalize a gentle request for a focus on all that we are grateful for.

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Election 2016: What does your child think?

Original Blog Post by SMU DRCM Prof. Angela Mitakidis

In the current election climate filled with presidential debates, related talk shows and political commentaries flooding our TV screens, what are our children picking up from our reactions, our language, our expressions?

angela-mitakidiswebAt the age of 4, my daughter was role playing on my cellphone, pretending to call her best friend. She proceeded to tell her: “I’m so sorry, Demi, but I’m going to have to cancel our coffee date for tomorrow… I have to take the kids to the doctor… I’ll call you to arrange another time. Ok, great, thanks for understanding. Chat soon, bye”. It was like I was hearing myself speak! (My son did the same with both me and my husband).  As cute as that was, it also served to confirm the abundance of research showing that children observe parents from a very young age to the extent that they can mimic their language and behaviors with astounding precision.

In an article published in Parents Magazine[1], it is suggested that children imitate parents from as young as toddler age as a bonding mechanism, because children draw their parents’ attention and praise when they mimic them. In order to draw more attention and praise, children will continue to imitate. Furthermore, imitation is also regarded as a “stepping-stone to independence”. As children learn to imitate, they become empowered with the discovery of newfound abilities – to mimic what they see, and garner a response. Eventually, over time and with repetition, imitations become self- motivated role modeling behaviors.

Dr. Dan Siegel, a psychiatrist, says that our experiences during infancy influence how the brain develops, how we learn to calm our emotions, and how we relate to others. He explains that the relationships we have with our caregivers at a young age directly shape who we become.”[2]

My children are now 16 and 19, and they still watch my husband and I closely. In the current election climate filled with presidential debates, related talk shows and political commentaries flooding our TV screens, what are our children picking up from our reactions, our language, our expressions? We notice that our children regularly glance at us, gauging our reactions. Research shows that role modeling continues well into adolescence, and even though teens are becoming more independent, they still require and seek out their parents, more so for role modeling and mentoring. How are we doing as mentors?

I had the privilege of working in Singapore with Dr. John Ng (author, mediator, leadership consultant)[3] and am reminded of his work on this subject. He says children do what they see, not what we say – raising great children starts with an understanding of ourselves first. He emphasizes the importance of examining our own values and managing our own ‘hot buttons’ first.[4]

Some of the values we hold dear, and wish to effectively impart to our children could be, for example, our moral compass, our sense of patriotism, equality, faith, the importance of human dignity, mutual respect, tolerance in diversity, charity and the list goes on. Are the values we are telling our children to follow congruent with the values we are displaying for them? If we are saying one thing and displaying another, are we confusing our children? A good question for a parent to ask is “how is my behavior right now reinforcing the values I’m teaching my children to imitate?”.

Continue reading “Election 2016: What does your child think?”

Now Accepting Deposits for 2016 Summer Study Abroad

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Take advantage of our incredible 2016 Summer Study Abroad opportunities in Geneva and Sarajevo! These are once-in-a-lifetime trips you can’t find anywhere else. Scholarships available.

For more information, visit: http://www.smu.edu/Simmons/AreasOfStudy/DRC/DR/StudyAbroad.